I am a waitress.
It is amazing how much turmoil those four little words have caused me through the years, the dissonance between what I believed they represented and how I wanted to see myself in the world, the associated hot flush of shame at not being more than just a waitress. But here is the truth: Most of the money I have earned in the past 32 years has been in the form of tips, earned by serving food in restaurants.
It feels good to say it. To finally own it, and to feel gratitude for it. I spent so many years avoiding it, always couching it in phrases like, "I'm waiting tables while I pursue my acting career," or "I am an audiobook narrator, and I also wait tables a few shifts a week. It is very social, and keeps me out in the world. Otherwise I might never leave the house." Those things are true, but let's face it, I am 47 years old now. I am no longer a young 20 something with my whole life laid out before me, the possibilities endless, the world my oyster, blah, blah, blah. My life is happening now. Fact is, much of it has already happened, and I have this feeling I have missed a lot through the years by not really being present in the truth of my life, by thinking my life would start when.......fill in the blank.
So I have decided to let myself BE a waitress, and see how that feels. 32 years of waitressing has taught me a great deal. Perhaps it is time to unpack that particular bag and see what I find of value there.
